A Pair Of Nine Inch Nopes

Like all my best bad posts this one occurred to me whilst doing mundane things at work. Mind is moving! I was humming NIN‘s Heresy to myself, possibly because I nearly sat on Da22‘s copy of The Downward Spiral the other day (good job it wasn’t The Fragile, eh?).

What would happen, wondered I, if re-ordered the song’s words were, in the manner of Yoda, “I Say Thee Thor!” or other attempts at imparting faux-Biblical weight.

Heresy, sayest thou? Let’s see!

Heresy (broken-by-design copyright crime)

Sewed he his eyes shut,
Because afraid to see is he,
Tries he to tell me,
What inside of me I put,
Answers has he got,
My curiosity to ease,
Dreamed he a God up
Christianity called it he*,

Dead is your God and cares no one,
If Hell there is, there I’ll see you,

His muscles flexed he,
His flock of sheep in line to keep
A virus he made,
That all the swine would kill off,
Perfect his Kingdom,
Of killing, suffering and pain**
Devotion demands,
In his name atrocities done,

Dead is your God and cares no one,
If Hell there is, there I’ll see you,
Dead is your God and cares no one,
If Hell there is, there I’ll see you,

In his own hypocrisy drowning,
And if Hell there is, there I’ll see you

[With your God in humility burning,
Die for this will you, hmm?***]

* OK, I’ve cheated and substituted “he” for “and” to make this “work”
** Left as-is. Seriously, what else could I even do with this line?
*** Trademark NIN unheard vestigial lyrics. The “hmm?” is an addition, natch.

I’ll figure out how to do proper accessible comments/footnotes one of these days. In the meantime, apologies to NIN fans, Christians, fans of English as she is spoke and holders of musical copyright everywhere.

If that throwaway foray into extracting parodic, sixth-form, Yoda-spaken poetry from Nine Inch Nails doesn’t amuse you, then you and I have different senses of humour. Which is a fine thing and to be encouraged. If nothing else the experiment suggests to me a process which is trivially automatable/replicable either through coding or memetic spread. And funny.

An aside! I did read something online, which I won’t go looking for right now, that examined how Yoda spoke in the original films and the prequels. It noted not only that the ways in which his speech patterns deviated were highly inconsistent, but also that “new” Prequel-Yoda used non-standard sentence structure much more often than Original-Yoda. Fun fact!

A recent episode of the Kevin Smith-related (though not KS-featuring, save as occasional guest) podcast Tell ‘Em Steve Dave ended with this hideously-bad vocal performance of Closer over the original NIN music. Skip ahead to 1h38m if the podcast starts at the beginning for you.

You are in no way required to listen to the whole thing. TESD is actually a great NSFW podcast and this is utterly unrepresentative of the usual content.

Help me get away from myself!


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Da22 says:

    You cannot blame me for this post but it did make me chuckle, your wonderful mind works it’s mysterious ways. Il check the link outside of work hours 👍

    Liked by 1 person

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